Grease: WIZARDS VS. CAVS!

Grease is an amateur speculator. He incorrectly predicts the Giants will win the World Series every year.

Well, gamblers and their ilk, the tittle on the street is that the Wizards are giving the Cavaliers “what for” in the most recent contest of basketball finals held once a year in celebration of the entire NBA taking their proverbial (and actual) ball(s) and going home, exhausted – an entire league full of quitters! It happens every year at this time. Who should you bet on in this final series? The Wizards will take it in 2! I have avoided the so-called “stats” - but, rather, have carefully and painstakingly analyzed the names of the two teams and divined their meanings, their self-proclaimed ethos and now have my choice. Wizards. Wizards. Wizards.

Wizards beat Cavaliers at every juncture on every playing field across time and dimension. In fact, Cavaliers are simply cavalier – they’re louche, they’re caddish, they “don’t care”, they indulge themselves in everything, letting it all hang out, and from my point of view, having looked at the name and its definition all season long, they don’t give a crap. They put their feet on couches, they walk up to women and cavalierly ask them to go jump in the sack and play footsie (or worse), and they would not hesitate to show up late to a ball game, or not at all. They certainly wouldn’t try very hard, ever, at anything, not if they are living up to their name, and we should at least give them credit for that. 

Wizards have historically done well in sports situations.
The Wizards, on the other hand, can, historically, do fantastic things that defy reality; waving wands, saying magical things, making the impossible transmute into the confounding. They can turn a man into a bear, or make a widow turn into a crow and peck the eyes out of her enemy - a gypsy who stole her best kettle. If they deliver on even a little of the promise buried in their name they will run circles around the cavaliers and leave the cavaliers with their heads spinning, cursed, and, quite possibly, all turned into snakes or something worse. It’s not a good match-up. 

Next year, NBA, try The Wizards vs. The Orlando Magic…THAT would be a contest!

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DISCLAIMER – Grease is NOT a recognized odds-maker and has been forbidden from setting foot in Las Vegas gambling parlours by his mother, Ebby, who still used the old spelling of the word “parlour.” --Bob Odenkirk

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