Lessons From the 2014 #DeflateGate Scandal

It's been four years since #DeflateGate rocked the world of fĂștbol. Patriots owner Thomas Brady was found to be deflating the footballs for the game, making them easier to throw, which was illegal at the time. What lessons have the NFL taken from that unfortunate incident? I'm asking seriously, because I haven't really looked into it. But that doesn't stop me from guessing how (and why) #DeflateGate has changed football forever. Here's three of my best hunches on the issue:

Thomas Brady is smiling because he caught the football.
Get the ball rolling. In the unscripted portion of my interview with EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt, Administrator Pruitt brought up the issue of whether or not the ball could even be tossed in the first place, considering its odd shape. I completely agree. For years, I've been silently asking myself why is so much good talent being wasted on a misshapen ball? Do they even know? This whole #DeflateGate fiasco wouldn't have happened if it was easier to throw it in the first place.

Thomas Brady has some explaining to do. Step right up to the plate, Thomas. What is going on? These footballs clearly shouldn't have been as deflated as they were, when this whole mess started. Shame on you. We have to get to the bottom of this. Why on Earth would it be beneficial to deflate the footballs? Key parts of this story don't add up.

Let's wrap it up. Football has been an experiment 100+ years in the running. It's time to admit it, folks: this experiment has failed. From the strange balls to the confusing team names, Football is an all-around disaster when it comes to pulling itself together and should disband into factions of tiny football-like sports. #DeflateGate is only the most recent in a series of murky, yet-unexplained events in Football that I have yet to look into.

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Nate Odenkirk is a sophomore at [REDACTED] College. He does not have a favorite sport.

*Edited transcripts of that interview will be released tomorrow.

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