OSN Exclusive: EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt on Enjoying Sports on the Job

Outsider Sports sat down with EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt at his tiny office in Washington, DC for an exclusive interview. The following transcript has been heavily edited by multiple parties.

OSN: Administrator Pruitt, thanks so much for having us.

Pruitt: My pleasure. Sundays are off days around here, and people seem to scowl and frown at me a lot on Sundays--and the rest of the week--so it's nice to see a friendly face for once.

OSN: And, again, our apologies for missing the first two meetings we set up with you. We had more important things to do at the time.

Pruitt: Of course.

OSN: Let's not beat around the bush. Why do so many people hate you?

Pruitt: I think most of it stems from the fact that I'm a big fan of the Miami Dolphin's. You can imagine the pushback I get everywhere I go, except for Miami. I'm not apologizing for that, either. I knew when I took this gig that I would be hated from day one, because that's been my experience at other jobs I've held.

Administrator Pruitt is unapologetic in his love for the Miami Dolphin's.

OSN: Walk us through your typical day.

Pruitt: I barely come into work lately because I've been so busy rewatching Miami Dolphin's highlight reels on Youtube. When I do, it's usually to make a sandwich or grab a quick snack from the break room.

[Administrator Pruitt reaches into his tiny desk drawer and pulls out a handful of Miami Dolphin's commemorative mints.]

Pruitt: Want a mint? They give 'em out at Dolphins' games and no one checks how many you've taken so I always stock up.

OSN: No thanks.

[Administrator Pruitt shoves 3-4 mints into his mouth.]

OSN: What is your main focus as EPA head?

Pruitt: [while chewing/sucking] I think our values need to be reflected more in how Americans play sports. The EPA in the past has needlessly focused on protecting natural resources while completely ignoring major league sports. If you ask me, that's the real environment that needs protecting.

OSN: If another EPA Administrator is reading this, what advice would you give them?

Pruitt: Honestly, I really don't know how I got this job. I just learned today what 'EPA' even stands for. I would much rather curl up with some popcorn and watch my Dolphin's.

OSN: Thank you so much Administrator Pruitt. Your breath smells great. We really have to get going now, so I guess we'll see you some other time.
Nate Odenkirk is impressed that Administrator Pruitt has held on this long.

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