Timeline: The History of Whistles

Ranked '#1 favorite thing ever' by Referee Noises Weekly for five years running, the whistle is a staple of any modern sports game. Praised for its effectiveness and ease of use, the whistle has made its mark on history as an incredibly annoying tool to get people to follow the rules. Below is an abridged but comprehensive history of the whistle.

For years, whistles have been a ref's best friend.

10,000 BC- The first sporting events in human history end in total chaos.

9,999 and 99 days BC - The second sporting event in human history ends promptly and perfectly when some guy learns to whistle.

2,000 BC- Modern whistles are invented, putting thousands of hardworking whistlers out of business.

30 AD- Jesus gives his loudest, most obnoxious sermon, "when I whistle, you sit."

1100s- The Black Death ravages Europe, spread through the sharing of unclean whistles.

1492- Columbus introduces whistles to Native Americans, who promptly stop running in circles and start dying at alarming rates.

1790- Mozart composes his least-successful work, Il Concerto (for Whistle).

1848- Daniel Webster adds an 'h' in 'whistle' to see if anyone's paying attention.

1851- Whistles no longer evenly distributed between refs and players.

1912- RMS Titanic sinks in the Mid-Atlantic carrying over 10,000 whistles bound for America. It remains one of the top 5 singular losses of whistles from a naval accident in history.

1970- The whistling industry successfully lobbies Congress to replace gavels with whistles.  The gavel industry strikes back successfully in court.  Gavels are attempted by refs in baseball games and fail.

1994- NAFTA floods the market with cheap whistles, bringing their price down from $50 to $2.

2018- Due to budget cuts, schools across America begin using whistles as musical instruments, to the chagrin of education advocates and neighbors.

--
Nate Odenkirk enjoys whistles in his spare time.

Never miss cutting-edge sports journalism. Click SUBSCRIBE above to receive OSN content in your inbox daily.