Quentin's Qorner: A New Sport Idea!

Quentin’s Qorner is a weekly column written for OSN by award-winning director Quentin Tarantino about his views on his own movies and how they relate to the world of sport. This is the final installment in a series of three articles. Click here to read the others in the series.

Man, if you thought my rat-powered VHS-athlete idea was brilliant (join the club!), you’ll really love what I came up with this time! But first, let me apologize for publishing this column so far behind schedule. Truth be told, I’ve been sidelined by a rather unorthodox medical procedure for the last several weeks. It was always a dream of mine to be able to watch my movies at any time, so I got the idea to have authentic 35mm film slides from Jackie Brown implanted directly over my retinas. No licensed doctor was willing to perform the surgery, but I didn’t get this far in life playing by The Man’s rules! I ended up calling in a favor from Harvey Keitel, who actually did a terrific job considering how many lines he snorted before and during the operation. Harvey, if you’re reading this, thanks again for all your help, man!

Anyway, my idea this week is a brand new sport that I call “Movieball,” because it involves one of my favorite passions: movies. The first thing you’ll need to do to play Movieball is gather as many movies as you can. Any type of movie will do – old movies, new movies, good movies, great movies, DVDs, VHS, Laserdiscs, Betamaxes, or even Blu-rays! Then, grab your flamethrower (if you don’t have one, you can borrow one of mine) and melt those movies down into a viscous molten liquid. Mold that liquid into an orb and let it cool. That will be your movieball.

You could even play SUPER movieball. Not sure how/if it would be different from regular movieball yet.

Next, bring your movieball and as many weapons as you can carry to my backyard and have at it! Winner gets to come inside afterward for a glass of lemonade and a tub of authentic cinema popcorn I saved from the Reservoir Dogs premiere! You remember Reservoir Dogs, right? What a great movie! I wrote and directed it, which I think is pretty cool.

Now, does anyone know a surgeon that’s good at removing film from your retinas? I’d love to speak with them!

Quentin Tarantino loves movieball. This column will return. --Nathan Mostow
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