#RPS18 Tournament Update: Day Before Finals

This week Outsider Sports Network is covering the  Rock, Paper, Scissors World Championship held at the Ramada Inn in Orlando, Florida. Click here to see the other #RPSOrlando18 coverage. Click here to see the bracket.

Pam Stanley and Xavier Salamandre squaring off in the top 16 round. Pam Stanley narrowly advanced.

Now in day 5, the Rock Paper Scissors Grand Championships in "beautiful" Orlando, Florida is in full swing after a series of unexpected delays and unforeseen challenges. First, the airport Ramada Inn had accidentally booked their ballroom for the Goldstein Bar Mitzvah for the same weekend, causing the tournament to be pushed back a week as Noah Goldstein became a man. Mazel tov!

Then, the director of the tournament, Dr. Thomas "Tiny Face" J. Kringle was barred from the Ramada due to consistent and intentional violations of the hotel's breakfast buffet policies. While the issue remains tied up in court, Dr. Kringle was unable to perform his duties as head honcho of the whole shindig. We wish him well.

To improve accessibility, #RPS18 had a sign language interpreter throughout the tournament.

The first round went off without incident--well, up until the Pacino boys went head to head. No one knew what to expect from the father and son duo Tony Pacino Jr. and Tony Pacino Sr. after their five-year league suspension for unsportsmanlike conduct and aggravated battery with real scissors in 2013's grand championship at the Dubuque Best Western. Hopes were high but expectations were low, and sure enough, both men were disqualified immediately. Tony Pacino Jr. pulled out a piping hot lasagna from his back pocket and demanded the ref accept his move, claiming (through an interpreter) that "lasagna beats everything." At that moment, Tony Pacino Sr. ALSO pulled out a steaming hot slice of lasagna he was hiding in his chef hat, to gasps and cheers from the audience. Always crowd pleasers, the Pacino boys were DQ'd on the spot (and banned for another five years) for refusing to back down from their respective pasta-based moves. We hope to see them at the 2023 Grand Championships to be held in Anchorage (or somewhere else).

Two doors down from the Pacinos, failed son Eric Trump and tech whiz Rooster Boy squared off in the Magnolia conference room for one of the most talked about matches of the tournament. In a highly unanticipated move, Eric Trump played scissors while Rooster Boy played rock, wowing the crowd with exceptional skill and technical whizz-ery. "There was only a 33% chance this was gonna happen," said Charlie Poop, a leading rock paper scissors expert who happened to catch the round while on vacation with his family. "Rooster Boy is one lucky sonofabitch."

Eric Trump slinked off with a familiar look of defeat and cowardliness. When reached for comment, his father said he was very disappointed that he'd have to see him again soon.

The second half of the day went off without a hitch, mainly due to a strong "no shenanigans" rule put in place by the committee. Rocky "The Stone" Schwartz cruised to the final round, easily dispatching Pam Stanley and Barack Hussein Obama (no relation) with his yet-undefeated "rock only" strategy that put him over the top for the last six years.

He will be taking on local homeless man Spud Kemp, who unexpectedly beat Rooster Boy before coasting through the rest of the tournament thanks to an unfortunate carpel tunnel injury to semifinalist and trophy salesman Michael "Doc" Solomon. We can't wait for the final round, which will take place tonight in the Eucalyptus conference center by the hotel pool.

Nathan Mostow and Nate Odenkirk can't wait to leave "beautiful" Orlando.

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